


stir the pot

by sashimibabie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, I wrote this at 3 in the morning, M/M, emphasis on attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashimibabie/pseuds/sashimibabie
Summary: They only have 2 rules:Don’t keep any secrets.AndNever lie about keeping any secrets.Defy these rules and you will face the wrath of four, and sometimes five (and sometimes six, and sometimes even seven) petty assholes.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Lee Seokmin | DK
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	stir the pot

**Author's Note:**

> this is just an incomprehensible mess of inside jokes that i wrote way too late into the night . sorry in advance

They only have 2 rules:

1\. Don’t keep any secrets.

And

2\. Never lie about keeping any secrets.

Defy these rules and you will face the wrath of four, and sometimes five (and sometimes six, and sometimes even _seven_ ) petty assholes.

Seokmin knows this well. After years of knowing his friends, Seokmin has learned that a secret is never a secret among their little group. Secrets always spread between them - never outside the group, don’t get them wrong - but as soon as one of them knows, _all of them know._ Gossip is a hot commodity among their group, and _they_ will stop at _nothing_ to know _everything._

They, meaning _bottom bitches,_ or at least that’s what Jeonghan calls them in their group chat even though only, like, four of them actually bottom on the regular.

(“I’m not a bottom, stop putting me in this group chat-”

“Shut up, Jihoon.”)

The last time one of them tried to keep a secret it barely lasted 48 hours. The victim still hasn’t lived it down. 

(“There’s no shame in getting pegged, Jihoon.”

“Fuck off.”)

Honestly, of all their years of friendship, Seokmin has been pretty good at following the rules. He’s a bit of an open book, you see, never one to keep anything from his friends because it’s simply in his nature to share. He’s usually the first one anyone shares a secret with, too. (Then Seokmin tells Jeonghan, or Soonyoung, if Jeonghan was the one who told him the secret first. He has an entire process that everyone is already aware of.) There’s no surprises when it comes to Seokmin, and normally Seokmin likes to keep it that way.

Normally.

Except now Seokmin is breaking the rules. Both of their precious rules, in fact, because Seokmin has a secret, and even after Seungkwan hit him with the _“Are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t keeping anything from us?”_ for the fifth time that week alone, Seokmin still said _“Nope! Not a thing!”_

And naturally, none of them believe him. 

Seokmin doesn’t even know how they caught wind of the fact that he was keeping a secret. He can’t remember doing anything to tip them off - literally, Soonyoung just sniffed the air around Seokmin one day and said “Something’s different about you.”

“What?”

“You tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell?”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.” 

And that 10-second exchange was apparently enough for the rest of the group to conclude that Seokmin is definitely keeping a secret from them.

Well, they’re absolutely right, but that isn’t the point.

(“Just tell us, Seokmin-ah.” 

“But there’s really nothing to tell-”

“Oh my god, Shua, I can’t believe my baby is lying to us.”

“Never thought I’d see the day, honestly.”

“I don’t know whether to be proud or heartbroken.”

“I’m a little bit of both, myself.”

“Ugh, me, too. I think I’m choking up actually.”

“Stay strong, Hannie. He’s just growing up.”

“Um. Why are you guys talking about me like I’m not still here?”)

It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but because it’s _Seokmin_ keeping the secret, everyone in their little group is extra determined to dig it right out of him. Things are starting to get a little out of hand, in Seokmin’s opinion.

_kwannie: its ok if you like glee unironically. i do too_

_what?_

_kwannie: what_

_you like glee unironically?_

_kwannie: was that not your secret…?_

_literally what made you think it was??????_

_kwannie: i_

_kwannie: we do not speak of this again_

_i already took screenshots, sorry_

_kwannie: fuck_

At this point, even their satellite friends have gotten involved. Jihoon being extra nice to him, Chan attempting to be less heterosexual than he already is to _“get the tea,”_ and Minghao giving him knowing looks because, well, Minghao is the only one who knows. Not because Seokmin told him, no, but because Minghao just _knows_ things.

Okay - that isn’t why Minghao knows. He isn’t some reincarnation of god, he’s just Mingyu’s best friend. And Mingyu told him that he and Seokmin started dating a few weeks ago.

And yeah, that’s the secret.

(“Just tell them.”

“That’s very much not a good idea.”

“Why not?” 

“Because they very much hate his guts, Minghao.”)

This is also known. If anyone were to add a third rule to their precious two, it would be 

3\. We hate Mingyu.

And, uh, Seokmin definitely broke that hypothetical rule, too.

Don’t get them wrong, _bottom bitches_ don’t actually _hate_ Mingyu. They just find him annoying and embarrassing and yeah, they kind of hate him, but in the _god would you shut up already_ kind of way. 

The reality of it is that Mingyu simply doesn’t get along with Jeonghan. Or Seungkwan. And sometimes even Soonyoung. And Jihoon has tried to murder him with a guitar once already. That’s pretty much half of their group on the _We Hate Mingyu_ train, so it’s become sort of a meme between friends. But memes eventually become pseudo-facts, so aside from Joshua who could care less and Chan who is probably just okay with Mingyu and Minghao who is just Minghao, _bottom bitches_ are supposed to just _hate_ Mingyu by default. 

And if Seokmin is being honest he thinks he probably did hate Mingyu. In the meme way, though, because Seokmin could never really hate anyone without reason. Then things just changed after a while, and by _“after a while”_ Seokmin means over the course of a couple months, and by _“things”_ Seokmin means that their typical banter kind of turned into play-fighting and their play-fighting kind of turned into flirting and their flirting kind of turned into getting drunk together one Saturday night and fucking in the backseat of Soonyoung’s car. 

_(Sorry, hyung, you were knocked out in the living room. Told you not to drink that much.)_

Anyways, Seokmin doesn’t hate Mingyu. In fact, Seokmin doesn’t hate Mingyu _so much_ that he actually started dating the guy - can you believe that? Embarrassing.

And that’s exactly why Seokmin has to keep his secret. Because Seokmin knows that as soon as Jeonghan or Seungkwan or Soonyoung or Jihoon find out that he’s dating Mingyu, all hell will break loose. Seokmin can practically hear them now -

_Seokmin, sweetie, I love you but you could do so much better._

_Actually disgusting, I think - oh god - I vomited in my mouth a little._

_You did what in my car._

_-_ and Jihoon probably wouldn’t say much except give him a pat on his back, but like, in a slightly sorrowful way. So case in point: Seokmin absolutely cannot tell his friends that he’s dating Mingyu.

They’d just never let him live it down.

“You haven’t told them yet, have you?” Mingyu asks him one day, and Seokmin gives him a look that pretty much just says _Nope._

“Oh, okay. You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to, then,” Mingyu says, and Seokmin gives him a look that kind of says _Well now that you’ve mentioned it I feel like I have to._ “Seriously! Don’t worry.”

“I’m worrying a lot now, thank you.”

“No! It’s okay! Don’t tell them, I don’t want to pressure you-” Bless Mingyu’s heart, he really tried to take back everything he said when this situation was just too stupid to deserve that. This is all Seokmin’s doing, yet somehow Mingyu is the one feeling guilty. 

Honestly, Seokmin didn’t actually _have_ to keep them a secret. While hypothetical rule number 3 is _We Hate Mingyu,_ it never said not to _date_ him. And certain members of their group have definitely dated a person they hated before.

( _Jeonghan_ , Seokmin is referring to Jeonghan.)

“Okay, you’ve convinced me, I’ll tell them!” 

“I’m telling you that you don’t have to-”

“It’s too late, I am already texting _bottom bitches_ as we speak.”

“Oh. Isn’t Jihoon hyung in that group chat? I didn’t know he was a bottom-”

“Oh god, they all read it. It’s too late now.”

“...Shit.”

So that’s how they found out. At least it was on Seokmin’s own volition. He probably would have hated it if Joshua or someone magically found out and told everyone. Joshua just had a way of finding out everyone’s secrets eventually. Seokmin didn’t know how he did it nor did Seokmin want to find out. 

_hannie: youre joking_

_kwannie: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK_

_soonie: LMAOOOOOO_

_lee jihoon: ah that makes sense_

_lee jihoon: congrats seokminnie_

_shua: tell that fucker he owes me for the fries he hogged last time we were at mcds_

_chan: happy for you hyung!_

_minghao: @soonie wait until you find out what they did in your car_

And then it goes the way Seokmin kind of predicted it would. A lot of _WHY MINGYU???’s_ and _ARE YOU SURE???’s,_ but they’re all in good-nature because none of them actually hate Mingyu. They just think he’s A Lot, and he really is sometimes. But Seokmin is happy with Mingyu, and _bottom bitches_ respect that. Even if they still make fun of him for it from time to time. 

In hindsight, keeping their relationship a secret in the first place was kind of pointless. Seokmin always knew they would have been fine with him and Mingyu. But Seokmin guesses that’s the fun of it - of them and their weird little group of friends. Always giving each other a hard time but loyal to the end.

(“Hey, Seokmin.”

“Yes, Gyu?” 

“Look at what Jeonghan hyung texted me last night.”

  
  


_yoon jeonghan: you hurt my baby and i’ll sue you and your 4 convenience stores._

_i literally work at a pizza hut but okay. noted.)_

And with that, Seokmin goes back to keeping no secrets. The world and their group chat is at peace once more, at least until another person decides to stir the pot again.

(Though, Seokmin admits, it was kind of fun being the One With The Secret.) 

(Maybe he’ll try it again some time.)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
